The Christmas season is upon us, and one of the year’s highlights for me was the Taboo Coffee Talk at Elementary School De Schelp. Wowza! Arranged as part of their “Ouderkamer” Series (where an elementary school opens their teacher’s lounge for parent’s once a week for parent connecting, themes, creative work..–EVERY school should do this!)
At the start we tallied how many kids we collectively represented –our own, or kids we work with, kids from the neighborhood, from playdates, family members, etc.. ). We were shocked to find we represented about 45 kids, though we were maybe 12 parents sitting together.
Issues we started unpacking like an early Christmas included mobile phone usage, access to porn, how to talk to kids about this, the reality of porn addictions, even amoung small children, effects and signals, and how to strengthen our kids person and personal body boundaries.
We also hit the stark reality of child sexual exploitation in the Netherlands, not just some far away Asian country.
With 1 in 3 kids affected by some form of sexual abuse, we have to realize, if it’s not us, we may have someone in our circle who’s experienced something.
But the biggest mind blow came on our second meeting when I shared a clip of a mom who posed as a teen and preteen on social media to see what kinds of reactions and interactions she would get.
If you do/read/watch nothing else, let it be this! #GAMECHANGER
As we go into the holiday season, many kids will be home more hours, and many will take advantage of excess screen time.
Please take time to talk to the kids, pay attention to what they are doing online, who they are interacting with and how.
Talk to them about what to look out for, let them know they can tell you everything and to e.g. let you know if they are approached by strangers, and to not just ‘friend accept’ “friends” of their friends, or anyone they don’t know.
Consider having screens used in shared spaces so there’s no room, literally, for secrecy.
I know a parent who suffered a serious breach because a child was in their room at night, well past sleeping hours, on a tablet watching endless hours of porn.
Sure, you may have good internet protocols, or security for certain search words, but what happens when your child is on a playdate, or at the playground, or on school “pauze” and some kids show him or her something from their phone or other device?
Don’t wait till you think the kids are ready for a talk about these things. We don’t live in that world.
You need to have a talk WAY BEFORE you think you need to.
But there are resources to help, talk to your fellow parents too because it does take a village!
Want to host a taboo coffee talk for your parent group, at your school daycare, or are you a professional who would like to be a better serice to the children nand youth you work with? Message me about workshops and training opportunities!
*featured image credit: Jasmine @Jasnotes
